Hi - don't know the protocol for newbies, whether I can just post on here, but I've read lots of your posts and this is clearly the right place... finally...
Split up with my husband last year. He was a highly functional alcoholic for all of the time I knew him (married 22 years) - by highly functional I mean he did well at his job and seemed fine, but at home would drink until he passed out most nights. Whiskey, then wine when I banned the whiskey...
Last year was awful. His mum died and the toll of his job finally broke him - he was diagnosed with PTSD and for 2 weeks we were on track for a new life, then denial hit again. Found bottles of vodka hidden around the room. He spoke very little. Lost weight. Refused to see anyone for help or counselling.
We split in December. I moved into a new house in January with my youngest daughter (aged 14). We are finding it tricky financially but are truly, peacefully happy.
Initially she would see my husband for an hour or so once a week but became more reluctant over time. When he brought her back one time it was clear he had been drinking and she has refused to see him since then. He keeps asking but she is adamant. She saw far too much last year and, although she was very close to him before, says that the Dad she loved has gone and she doesn't like the man that is left behind. She's had counselling at school but has amazed me with her strength. She has lovely friends and is a beautiful person.
My eldest daughter, who has had her own major health issues and is now disabled, is at uni and refuses to have anything to do with him. She is going abroad for a year and was gong to try to meet with him before she goes, but is too scared as it took a lot of therapy for her to come to terms with the fact that she was such a low priority for her Dad.
Sorry to have written so much. I have fantastic friends and a few who are the recovering family of alcoholics, but have always found it easier to be strong and move on from problems than to let my feelings out!!!!
My post was really to ask advice about my youngest daughter. I have said that I will support her in whatever she chooses with regards to seeing her Dad - explain to him if she wants me to why she needs a break, take her to meet him and wait nearby, meet him with her.... whatever will make it easier for her. Part of me thinks that she knows her own mind at 14, but part of me worries that she will regret closing the door completely. And, if I'm honest, part of me probably worries that he will blame me for her not seeing him...
Anyway, if you managed to trawl through all of this, then thank you. It is amazing to feel that I am not alone.
And if anyone has thoughts or advice regarding my situation, then it would be wonderful to hear.
Thank you
