TennantSmith

The wind was quite active today, the Frisbees weren't behaving, so we only played for an hour. But that's okay. We have all we need to try again....

It's a Saturday evening. It's 10:30pm and I am curled up in bed with a knitting book. I ate too much today. I dealt with some tough situations from others that knocked me off balance. I had moments where my AV was active.

I'm sober. I sat outside tonight and watched people coming in and out of the store, rushing to be somewhere. I sat under my favorite tree. I smelled the neighbors fresh cut grass. I noticed mine needs mowed again. I overheard the tv from an open window. I saw the distant light of the Open sign of the bar, just a few blocks away. I can see the liquor bottles on the shelves through the windows of the store across the street.

I didnt want any of it. I am new to this. It's the first time I've approached my sobriety realizing its work. Life isn't handing anything to me except the tools I need to work towards where I want to be.

I struggle throughout the days, but I no longer feel as lost as I did. When the AV is making herself known, I now know what tools to use to move forward in my recovery and not run to alcohol.

I made it through this weekend. I learned more that helps me this weekend.

I'm exhausted. I'm having moments of sadness. I'm truly feeling my body work. I created boundaries for myself. I napped. I ate too much ice cream and remembered how incredible pb&j on Wonder bread tasted and how delicious Oreos and a glass of milk can be.

I worked my Plan this weekend, many times over. I added more to it. It works. It really works.

I have a big week ahead of me. Dinner with my daughter and her new boyfriend. Counseling. Week 4 of my training plan for a 5k. A possible job interview for a great new position.

I'm calmer. My mind is slowing down. My heart no longer races. I feel normal anxiety about events that cause anyone anxiety. My dreams weren't as vivid last night.

I'm grateful tonight. Very grateful.