My STBXAH apologized
Today I got an out of the blue call from my X. He said he's been in counseling and wanted to know if I could help him with answers to some questions he's had. He still thinks I was cheating for years but after we got off that subject he conceded and agreed to trust me when I told him that I didn't have the emotional capacity nor the time to entertain gentlemen.
He told me he still loves me. He told me I am a sweet woman and that I've been nothing but gracious and kind through this whole divorce process. He told me I should have men lined up at my door and that I deserve so much better than what he was able to give me. He said he has an awful emptiness rattling around in the house alone. He wanted to know how I did it....how I found peace and happiness.
It was heartbreaking. I couldn't tell him that I loved him back......because I don't. He said he keeps thinking about how our 20 year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks and how he knows he blew it. He said he had it all and he let it slip away and let me get away.
Sigh.....it was bittersweet and I have had nothing but compassion for him and towards him as we've been moving through this process. I can only pray that someday he finds his peace and his own serenity as I have. I shared my program with him, I made my own amends and told him how I contributed to the downfall of our marriage and how our toxic dysfunction just wasn't going to work after all these years and how it was so unhealthy for our son to live like that.
It was a good conversation. Now, come next week, he may be on a binge and calling me a 'f*cking bi*ch' again and tell me that I'm picking the meat off his dead carcass, but at least we had this conversation and were able to get through a few things for now.