Kboys

Hi everybody-

This is my first post here. I am usually at the Friends and Family of A’s board.
My husband is a dry alcoholic, which is what brought me to SR last year, and everyone has been a great support.
I’m going to Al-Anon, and working on Step Four currently.

I don’t know if my father would describe himself as an alcoholic. But he drinks beer every night, and has for as long as I can remember. I remember a brief period of time when I was a teenager that he tried to stop for health reasons, but went back to it after maybe a week. That is the only time I remember him not drinking.

He has always been employed and has provided for us.

He was never abusive or violent. He has never yelled at me or at my brother. I’ve never seen any fights or even arguments between he and my mother, who are still married.
He would get silly, and annoying, sometimes hard to be around because of that, when he was drinking. He was not perfect, but he did the best he could.

My life has always been pretty “normal” as far as that goes.

However, my AH is abusive, and I have allowed him to verbally and emotionally abuse me and to cheat on me.
My xabf was my only other long-term relationship. He too, was emotionally abusive and extremely controlling, and I stayed with him for a long time.

I am co-dependent. I have always struggled with self esteem and with expressing myself.

It seems that all the other stories I hear, from people like me with alcoholic spouses and who describe themselves as co-dependent, and who have been abused in their relationships and who struggle with self-esteem like I do, are not like mine.

It seems they have all suffered some type of abuse as a child, but I didn’t.
So I struggle with the question of why I am the way that I am.

I wondered if any of you here grew up in “calm” alcoholic households and can relate to what I am saying at all….

I hope that makes sense.

Thank you