Welcome to SR!
NOT drinking is actually easier than drinking, especially when I had to hide my drinking. I had to get money she wouldn't know I was going to spend on liquor, stop at the store, sneak it into the house, sneak it into my mouth, try to act sober, argue when she realized I was drinking again, deal with the hangover, etc. Not drinking involves no effort whatsoever.
BEING HAPPY about not drinking when I have that dirty bastid whispering in my head all day about how nice a couple of drinks would be - well that can be difficult.
It gets easier, but only if you stick with it.
You can do this.
