I remember the day I said "I can't do this anymore"...don't even think I knew what "this" meant, it was something to do with drink but more than that...the lying, cheating, dodging, grafting, hiding...yeesh.
Not my worst ever drink either. I stepped out of a casino at 10 in the morning, had been there since 9 the previous night. I'd taken to drinking in casinos when I could for the cheap booze, anonymity and the "glamour" hehe.
Had £40 in the bank, lost the first £20, debated whether to risk the rest or just drink it away. By ten in the morning I had cashed £1200 and was so drunk I walked out with an extra £900 in chips by mistake. I was in a panic about whether they would let me back in to cash the rest. My rent was due and I needed to eat.
The sun was shining, but my skin was crawling. I had a fair dose of the heebie jeebies but knew I couldn't continue drinking or playing without my heart exploding. I was late for work (again), knew I couldn't go in as I was and couldn't face calling in (again) with the same old excuses. Couldn't do "this" anymore.
I took a few more drinks that night (30 March 2009) and attended my first AA meeting the next evening. So far those were the last drinks I ever had to take.
P