Overwhelmed1

Thank you for reading and responding! To answer concerning counseling - the counselor my husbands sees (and so do I) independently is a licensed alcohol dependence /addiction counselor and a family/marriage counselor. The attorney I went to talk with prior to the "I'm moving out" speech referred him and told me she refers him for this all the time. My husband even likes him!

We have also brought one of our three sons into the counseling and are hoping to "encourage him" to continue to be counseled individually as well. My son, 35 years old, lives with us about 3 to 4 days a week. This is a relatively new living arrangement because prior to March of 2012 my son my son lived with his father. My son, who has been diabetic since the age of seven, went to the ER and was told he was in End Stage Renal Failure due to diabetes. My son also went completely blind within three months of his ER visit. He was on dialysis 3x week for about a year and a half and in sept of 2014 received a pancreas/kidney transplant.

He and my husband are having issues because my husband doesn't think my son is "progressing" quickly enough to become independent "again". I say "again" because my son has NEVER been independent - he had always lived with his dad prior to the life altering health changes my son has been through. My husband is the kind of person who makes snide comments or digs about people and things and with my son it doesn't matter what it is- my husband digs because he has no respect for my son - my son has NEVER held down a job or been held responsible for getting his bills pad because his father is always right three to bail him out. I won't play that game.

However, since the life altering changes in his life I have had to be the responsible one (and my husband has helped) to make sure he gets to the doctor, hospital, medication, etc. I DO NOT pay for these services, my son had enough SS credits to qualify him for a small monthly check. He will never be able to live independently and support himself on $547 a month. In the last few years my son has learned to navigate the world as a blind man, calls in, organizes (by feel) his medications, takes his meds without our help, pays his own phone bill, buys his own clothing, purchases any special food items he likes( I buy groceries), goes out with friends, takes me out to eat, and does his own laundry. However, he is not doing things fast enough to suit my husband who is a workaholic. My husband tells me and the doctor that he is concerned about where My son will be when we are gone....however, I have had this talk with my son. I have expressed all the responsible things he needs to do and learn to do, I have pushed, I have made him speak with vocational specialists etc...but frankly, you can't change a lifetime of "daddy coming to the rescue" in two years. I have told my husband AND my counselor, that while I will continue to try to make progress with my son in this area, that I am confident I have done all I can do (cause you can take a horse to water.....,) and that if I were to do die tomorrow I would not go thinking " what about my son."

My husband says just the opposite- we should push and push and push.. I, frankly just think he is using this pushing as a way to push my son away so that he is not taking up my time. I provide my son with a room, food, transportation and my presence and/or advice. I am the one who taught him to do all the things he can now do independently, and my husband only has to deal with him a few days a week for a few hours because my husband is almost always at work or asleep ( perhaps passed out) so I don't get it..