Sorry I needed to give vent to my head or it gets worse....
Tonight I got to an empty house and think
What do I want to live for?
I was waiting for my parents to die
so I can take as much as I can until I end!
They will not cope if something happens to me, they lost one son.
So I had to get cleaned they could not see me gone!
Since my brother died I am the strong one, I protect them and they do not know of my addictions! They do not know I medicate or go to a shrink! Even when I whent to detox I was on a holiday.........
And is unfair on my younger brother,
If I pass away he will be on his own... he would suffer so much!
but then I think I will solve his money problems.
Am so frustrated....................... I alwais look after others..
I can not ***** consume anything and have to keep on!
Stuck here.... and some days I think ******* it!
I have to be awake 24x7 and is unfair.... 
All I want is get stoned now and them...
and am banned for life 
Thank you for listening I feel better
