Need to get it out

Old 04-25-2015, 04:59 PM
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Aiko's Avatar
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Location: Marbella Spain
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Need to get it out

Sorry I needed to give vent to my head or it gets worse....

Tonight I got to an empty house and think
What do I want to live for?
I was waiting for my parents to die
so I can take as much as I can until I end!
They will not cope if something happens to me, they lost one son.
So I had to get cleaned they could not see me gone!
Since my brother died I am the strong one, I protect them and they do not know of my addictions! They do not know I medicate or go to a shrink! Even when I whent to detox I was on a holiday.........

And is unfair on my younger brother,
If I pass away he will be on his own... he would suffer so much!
but then I think I will solve his money problems.

Am so frustrated....................... I alwais look after others..
I can not ***** consume anything and have to keep on!
Stuck here.... and some days I think ******* it!
I have to be awake 24x7 and is unfair....
All I want is get stoned now and them...
and am banned for life

Thank you for listening I feel better
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:24 PM
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Hang in there Aiko!!
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:30 PM
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I often hear hear its hard to be sober cos there's no respite.

I don't really get that cos I have lots of respite - I exercise, I have hobbies, I play music - all of those things take me out of myself (in a good way) and help me relax.

what do you do to relax now, aiko?

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Old 04-25-2015, 05:36 PM
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I know the feeling too. Sometimes I feel like there is no point
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:39 PM
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I always look after others too

Then I came to realize that I have too look out for me. I want to be healthy, that way I can help others. Caring- feelings.... they are parts of me that I am so proud of and drinking takes them away from me.

I will never stop helping people--no matter what. Yet, I have finally accepted that I have to help myself first!!

Been sober for a little over a year, and wouldn't want it any other way.
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:42 PM
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Looking after others and not taking time to care for yourself is a recipe for disaster. Aiko, take a break and go and do something for you.
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Old 04-25-2015, 06:06 PM
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(((((Aiko))))) what brings you true joy, peace & tranquility

Have you tried yoga or pillates ?
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Old 04-25-2015, 06:12 PM
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Aiko, I know you've come a long way. Please remember how important it is to take care of yourself. Be sure to get exercise and eat nutritiously.

I liked Soberwolf's suggestion of yoga or Pilates. When our bodies feel good, our souls feel good, too.

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Old 04-26-2015, 01:04 PM
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Been thinking:

If I do not solve the Root Problem I will continue struggling!

I relate Respire = Stoned (I do not know how to change my head)

I can not hurt my family so I have to be here, whether I like it or not thus
have to make the most of my life, at least be as happy as I can.
Next year I will not study, I might join sculpture and sawing I always wanted.

I am very Lonely thus I have to find new clean friends
when I am on my own I start thinking too much and AV sets of...
And one day I will not be able to control the impulse!

I do Pilates sometimes, running, to sweat it out, but still the same...
I can not relax bcos I am 24x7 thinking of consuming!

I have to be proactive, I am suffering this way!!!
I do know the root problem so I have to move my ****
and stop winning and crying!

Thank you for helping me yet again!
Big Hug from Southern Spain XO
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Old 04-26-2015, 01:24 PM
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Do your best
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Big hug from London Aiko
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Old 04-26-2015, 03:26 PM
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Like we stay sober a day at a time, and like we live our lives one day at a time, we change our heads a little one day at a time too aiko.

It's a don;t need to 'be' at a certain point anytime.

Just think about other healthy ways to relax and try and put them into practice.
That's a start

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