Originally Posted by
firefly789 
I don't know that I belong in this group anymore. I don't want to bring anyone down. ...Then I thought, what if I only drink when I go out. ...I don't want to be this pathetic.
I have decades of failed experiments, resolutions and promises. I never resolved the ambivalence I had between wanting to get healthy and wanting to be a normal drinker. One path had plenty of reality based evidence and one path was based on fantasy and my perception of social norms. Focus on what you want from the consequences of your actions.
It is not pathetic! I really had to work to not let that become the voice in my head - that it was always going to be this way, and I was simply a loser. You do deserve to be sober, healthy and happy. You can do this! I find that if I make a decision to stay sober and my actions follow that decision, then I stay sober (actually not drinking is a non action, but...)