I don't know that I belong in this group anymore. I don't want to bring anyone down. It's 5 a.m. and I've been awake for two hours because I can't sleep. I went out to dinner with my husband last night. I really struggled ahead of time thinking about having a drink with dinner. Then I thought, what if I only drink when I go out. We go out every two or three weeks. (I think I've got a handle on not drinking at home since I poured that last bottle out.) Well, after one margarita, came another, and another. Now I can't sleep. I'm disappointed, confused, and disgusted. I'm disappointed that I didn't stick with my commitment to myself. I'm confused as to why I'm not sticking with it. Generally, I am happy with my life - good marriage, great kids, I like my job, I am usually successful at what I start out to do. And, I'm disgusted with myself for messing up again. I went 14 days this month, and then 10 days. I'm not sure what I need to do different. Maybe not go out until I'm further along. I don't want to be this pathetic.