Wholesome

I live in a thriving downtown community that I have been a part of for more than 12 years.... when I first moved in it was a lousy neighbourhood which is why I could afford it, but today it is trendy and much changed.

I used to be highly social and fearless. I traveled the world, moved to a different city, backpacked. I have always worked jobs that kept me in the community... bar tended, drove a school bus, worked in the local beer store, operated a sign business out of my home with clients in the neighbourhood, now I'm a letter carrier.

I have become a recluse once I get home. If I step out my door I'm on a busy downtown street with TONS of things I could do and people I could meet but I have lost my gumption and my courage to step outside my comfort zone. How did that happen and why am I so uncomfortable meeting new people? There was a time not long ago where I thrived on it?

I used to go out of my way to talk to new people and want to be involved ... but now I hide and I feel weird and anxious if I have to be in a new situation with new people.

Is it because I don't feel good enough or hip enough or successful enough? Am I afraid of some kind of rejection of a stranger that I'm not even sure I like either? What am I so afraid of? I never used to have this fear and I can't even pin point where or when it started.

Non the less it is irrational.