I was in your position back in 2002. I tried my best to drink until I flatlined but 5 years later I was still alive desperately unhappy and pissed off at the world.
I decided if I wasn't gonna die I still had things to offer the world. I did a lot of volunteering - sure, no money but it gave me back my self esteem and a sense of purpose. Doesn't look bad on a CV either.
That was the start of my new life. It's nothing like what I thought it would be, but that's ok - it's better than anything I could ever dream up.
I did eventually get disability, I did eventually find a Dr to help me with my medical issues, and I did eventually get back to doing what I love which in my case is music.
It's not going to happen overnight, but you can change your life dog
Sober you at least have the chance of change...drunk, nothing's going to change, brother.
D