Yes, I will remain sober today. I have been repeating, it's gotta get better, it's gotta get better, it will get better, it will get better. I try to have some semblance of a "life" inspite of the demands that come at every turn. I took the day off today because it was a "just no f ing way" kinda day. But mom called me crying about how much she missed me.
Damn it, it was so much easier when she was a jerk and I could justify not going there based upon her meanness.
So I went. Unwashed and in my pajamas. And I washed her hair between sobs. And plucked her chin. And put on her false nails so she would feel pretty for her doctors apt tomorrow. And I took her for a long walk through the care center. And found her a book. And made her dinner. And held her hand while she cried about her circumstances. And her profound aloneness.
That was my day "off" because I couldn't cope.
Jesus. Take the damn wheel already for Christs sake.