I journaled last night before bed. I decided to focus on the things I had done right re: my recovery plan and areas where I need to keep working on. After all, it's those weakest links that lead to the drinks (<---I'm a poet, ha).
One thing I wrote was:
"I'm not going to reach my goals just by writing them down. There has to be ACTION daily, no matter how uncomfortable.
Drinking was uncomfortable, too, but I had no problem with continuing to drink. I have proven I am okay being uncomfortable. Now it's time to be uncomfortable for the right reasons"
I couldn't get that out of my mind "I have proven I am okay being uncomfortable" Yes, I drank to get rid of the hurt, pain, feelings in general. But I always did it with the full knowledge that I would end up the next morning hungover, full of shame, my stomach hurting, my day dragging. I knew it was going to suck but I did it anyway.
I'm shifting that thought to my sobriety. Yes, days are going to blow big time. Sobriety can get a bit messy in the beginning. But honestly, it's NOTHING compared to how messy my life was while drinking.
Feelings! I get through them daily. I get through so many of them and don't drink. Drinking does nothing magical to my feelings. It does nothing. That is what is helping me in my recovery. Paying attention and realizing that I handle those feelings better when I'm not drinking than when I am.
I don't honestly know what I'm doing most days with this. I read, I listen, I learn from others. I listen to myself and learn a bit from me as well.
But I'm sober again today and that counts for a lot to me.