You're sounding a bit passive RT - like a leaf in the oncoming wind or like the rabbits in the headlights kinda thing.
Don't forget: you have the power - not your addiction.
It is easy to forget that, I know, but honestly...however much a part of you wants it at a visceral level, you - the intelligent logical part of you - can refuse.
I hope you make a definite decision soon RT.
It really is so easy to lose a few years...and not come out with much to show for it.
D