Nice to hear from you RT. I had a feeling you were still smoking or you'd have come back and said you weren't. I'm not going to tell you to stop because you will do what you will do regardless. I bet it's easy to feel discouraged but you mind as well feel encouraged by the good work you did in this past half a year. You learned a lot. You learned that you can do it! I don't think you have undone all your hard work yet. If you stop again now you prob will have it easier. If you wait too long you'll prob have to do it all over again.
Once about 15 years ago I quit for.. can't remember how long... something like 4 - 7 months. It was not the same as this last time at all. Then I was miserable, craving, living with a feeling of missing something. I went right back to smoking every day again soon enough. I had a bad association with quitting and that put me off doing it for a long time. Well, that was the excuse, that I'd tried it and I hated it. Please don't assume that it's always going to be a craving/missing out experience living without weed. I thought that for so long but I quit anyway, expecting the worst and finding it to be really wonderful this time around.
You were still romanticizing it too. I had gone far beyond that. It's like when you've fallen out of love and you know you'll never get that feeling back. That's what happened to me, I knew SO WELL what stoned life was like and all the rose coloured tint and shine had worn off. I broke up with it and meant it. Sounds like you are still in the toxic can't live with it, can't live without it relationship. I hope you don't have to go as far down the road as I did before you break up with it. It's in your hands. I'll just wait and listen. And I understand so well!
As I often say, even though I'm done with it, I still have to avoid it. If it were on my table (and I was alone) I would not be able to control myself. That may sound strange after what i just said in the paragraphs above but somehow, both are true. The work I do is all about keeping it away from me in the first place and having no need to seek it out, turning it down and walking away if offered at a party. I'm not cured but I'm managing it and I'm happy.