This is a lot about us trying to manage other people's behavior. We think if we can do or say it just right, we can "manage/control" the escalation and eventual blow-up. Action trying to control reaction.
I knew my progress was real when:
1. I could say "no" to my A, and let them be responsible for their own behavior.
2. Set a boundary, hold it, and let them be responsible for their own behavior.
3. Give their recovery back to them, and focus on my own recovery and behavior.
(((Hugs, Free)))