Originally Posted by
tomsteve 
People " around" AA - ones there for the wrong motives and/ or don't understand the steps- will respond like that.
I have a feeling that in your relationship with him he did a lot of blaming- pointing the finger at you. Which would lead me to believe that's why yer feeling the way ya do.
My friend who has worked the steps said exactly the same thing. And you are absolutely right. When I broke up with him after finding out about his serial cheating, he blamed me (and when I refused to change my mind, he became violent).
I think part of what has this whole situation lingering for me is that I come from a family with terrible boundaries and my mother, I hate to say it, is rather cruel. But this morning, I woke up to see my lovely partner lying next to me. He is an amazing man. I remember when we first started dating, he overheard my mother say something hurtful to me. He quietly took her aside and said very calmly, "Mrs. X, I love your daughter very much. I don't want to hear you say something like that to her again." My mom was gobsmacked. And I was so moved--I never had felt like someone had my back. Funny enough, from that moment, my mom could not stop talking about what a fantastic person my partner is. No one (or very few) had drawn a boundary like that and she seemed to respect it.