Hi, and welcome to the group. Sorry you find yourself here. There are certainly lots of red flags to be concerned about. You really are not to blame for your wife's choices, drinking, condition, illnesses etc. This is not something that you have control over or that you can prevent or reverse. There is a lot of good information in the stickie's above especially under Classic Reading. There are also support programs that you might get a lot out of. Al-anon or SMART recovery and there are others.
Originally Posted by
sfs 
I'm tired. I thought maybe this would calm down after we got married (foolish, I know). I just want some shred of the person I met years ago. There are so many things I want to do in our life together, but I just can't, with the condition she's in.
This is the bottom line really isn't it? The question of whether or not she is an alcoholic is hers to answer but this is your reality. If you can not have the life you want with this person - that is the bottom line.
Originally Posted by
redatlanta Welcome and glad you have found us!
Alcoholism is a disease of denial. You see if she admits she has a problem then she has to do something about it. Its not just other people they deny it to - its can also be a battle within themselves to "prove" they don't have a problem.
Yes, and the alcoholic isn't the only one that can be living in denial.
I was living a very similar life to you when I was 30. My husband was surely an alcoholic before I met him, when I married him, for the 16 years we were together, and the day I divorced him. I was in denial for most of that time but had I admitted it, I would have had to deal with it. I wanted the life we dreamed about and my reality pretty much blew that out of the water - so I denied it and carried on - for years. It nearly destroyed me, and him, and I now have four children with a legacy that no one would wish upon a child.
I'm not suggesting you leave. That is a personal decision for each person to make. I'm suggesting you focus on yourself and do not deny your reality. There are support groups and/or counselors for you and they are, IMO, vital in managing difficult realities such as this.
Keep posting and reading here. SR has been so so helpful to me over the years.