Originally Posted by
micgeo 
Thats a whole other issue.. He gets very jealous. Says i am married so i should be home.. He gets mad at me most times.. Especially if i get home late.. I really dont care what he thinks but i am tired of arguing about it or "getting in trouble" for it.. He told me once in the middle of an argument that he is a grown man and if he wants to drink he will drink, my response was i am a grown woman.. Seems like a one way road and i am numb.. You know, he has a good job and the drinking doesnt affect his work at all.. He can be such a douche canoe and no matter how hard i try to get my point across it doesnt work...
You're right. It is a whole other issue. His sense of entitlement is really a driving force here.
I had this same dynamic with my ex and didn't realize it for a long time. He was allowed to do whatever he wanted, but if everyone wasn't catering to his needs all the time he got all butt hurt about it.
For a long time I blamed his drinking and thought that if that could be fixed it would cure him of his controlling and abusive behavior.
And before you say, "he isn't abusive, he never lays a hand on me" check out this link. It really opened my eyes when I first came here. Even after my ex started resorting to physical violence against me, I still had a blind spot about his other abusive behaviors.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hat-abuse.html
This is another good one. There are obvious verbal abuse behaviors like screaming and cursing and name-calling, but others are more subtle.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ening-you.html
I also spent a lot of time trying to understand where my ex was coming from so I could get through to him and make him see. But the truth is, he didn't want to change. Everything he did worked for him because he almost always "won" every argument and got his own way.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oint-view.html