Helpless and hopeless
I joined this website in hopes to find people who are feeling similar to what I feel... My husband of 14 years is an alcoholic.. About 7 months ago I finally lost it and left for about 2 months.. Of course his promises of change brought me back.. And the fact that I didn't want to deal with the emotions.. Through the years I was able to tolerate the behavior, but now every time I look at my husband I am disgusted. I still love him and don't want to leave, but at the same time he disgusts me and I don't want to be with him.. It is amazing to me how selfish he is.. If I even bring up his drinking we get into a BIG fight.. Curse words are thrown ect.. (never physicial). I will say however.. The things this man has said to me over the last 14 years has really destroyed my respect for him... (verbal) We tried marraige counceling and he didn't like what the therapist had to say so he stopped going and when I came back and slowly slipped back to old habits. To make matters worse he is 19 years older than me.. He has the mind set that I should always be home and cater to him.. I am 38 and I want to have fun. My friends have been there for me to support me. (They don't know to much) and I have fun with them.. Kind of like an outlet.. He doenst get it.. I don't want to be around him drinking and I have been very verbal about that but he is so single minded he will not see it from my view point.. Can anyone please give me some advice on ways to get through to him, see how much i am hurt and how to deal with my alcoholic husband?? Desperate.. Thanks for listening