Thank you to everybody. There's not really a reason. My husband came home from a trip. He'd prefer that I drink like he does. But honestly, I don't want to blame anyone else or make excuses for myself. I just honestly don't know any other way to cope or exist or socialize in any way. It's been way too much of a part of my life for way too long. It's not my husbands, or my friends, fault. But I don't know how to get better without losing my marriage and my friendships and everything I know in my life. Im just scared. I don't know how to do life without alcohol. So sorry to keep coming here and asking for help and then failing.