I was really good at tricking doctors, too, back in the day.
Today? I realize that my way of doing things really did more damage than good. I want to be able to be as "normal" as I can be, if medication can help, fine, but I'm not looking for a magic pill.
I actually take something for sleep that I would have abused the heck out of, back in the day. I have no desire to do so. I was tried on numerous things, before my doctor and I settled on it.
I think counseling is great, it's just not in my budget.
I think when we realize that tricking doctors really only hurts us, it's like one of those light bulb moments.
Not really sure how to reveal what you're feeling other than just say it. I showed up at my doctor's office, in tears, one day. I just blubbered out my feelings.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy