Hi.
"I know if I don't change something I will ruin my marriage."
If you are an alcoholic and continue drinking there will be many more losses because at a certain point alcohol just takes and takes, eventually our lives in a horrible fashion.
Many of us felt we were unique and were never able to sober up, or deep down never wanted to. There are many BS reasons to continue to drink.
Not drinking is another story which includes a return to sane thinking and a feeling of being comfortable in our own skin. This does not happen quickly and requires work and changes with a reward of being proud of our accomplishments. Many have accomplished this, so can you.
BE WELL