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Hard to Admit

Old 04-13-2015, 09:59 AM
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Hard to Admit

Hi,

I'm having a hard time admitting that I'm alcoholic. I guess because I know that means I have to stop drinking.

I regularly drink more than I should. I work from home and will start drinking before the work day is over. While my wife will go out to bars with me, I regularly hide drinking from her. We have fought over my drinking several times. I know that I need to be more reponsible about my drinking.

Looking for either the strength or the wisdom to know what to do. Can I drink like a 'normal' person? Do I quit forever?

I know if I don't change something I will ruin my marriage.

Thanks for any input.
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Old 04-13-2015, 10:06 AM
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Welcome,

It's great that you're being so honest with yourself. Can you discuss it with your wife?

I attend AA meetings (definitely no pressure to do the same of course) and really enjoy the support. You'll find a great sense of community here too!

Personally, I can't do moderation. I've been trying for years. I can't tell anyone what's right for them but I know that I can't stick to any kind of "drinking plan" I've made in the past and to be honest, having to make a plan to moderate drinking probably isn't a good indicator of what's to come!
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Old 04-13-2015, 10:17 AM
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I didnt wanna quit drinking for simlier reasons. I figured the fun would be over how great would life be without booze in it? In my case I new i couldnt go on drinking tho that wasnt working. I didnt really admit i was an alcoholic till i was sober a year. I think that helped me i was pretty oblivious to that aspect all while i went through withdrawels and all the typical symptoms.

no one says you gotta quit forever just quit for 1 day at a time. The whole "forever" thought just made me wanna drink in the begining so i didnt think about that. Now if i think about "forever" i think well maybe we'll see.
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Old 04-13-2015, 10:47 AM
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We are discussing it. She is incredibly supportive, but also kind of makes me feel like she's trying to 'fix' me. I definitely want to be better to her, but that makes me get a little defensive.

Thanks for the advice on redefining forever. It does seem hard to think of it that way
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Old 04-13-2015, 10:57 AM
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Hi wantbetterdays, I found it was only myself, wanting to stop, that could fix it for me.

I also did not want to stop drinking just moderate it but unfortunately could not drink sensibly for long before I went back to drinking too much.

I hope you can find help here. I've had so much support here it got me through my worst times and it does definetly get better, there is a great life without booze.
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Old 04-13-2015, 11:03 AM
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yeah the ole your somehow defective because of your disorder and now she wants you to be her project? I guess it can be good but if she fixes you then what will she do? will that be all there is for her?

I think you need to fix you. She needs to be supportive. I hate to say it but sometimes women feel as if they made there man and thats not always the case or perhaps they helped there man but let themselves fall by the wayside then they find themselves unhappy.

When it comes to sobering up the one who sobers up does the heavy lifting it seems.

I think i know where your coming from about being on the defensive. IN my face my wife thank god took a step back and remained supportive despite my inner/outer hell that was going on. I didnt want to disappoint her so I kept on the straight and narrow but mainly i was fixing myself first.

I've said it a 100 times getting sober was the most selfish thing i ever did. I did it for me first it was my first priority. however it manifested itself to others is a great nice bi product of /ME/ staying sober for ME. Yeah obviously there is many positive aspects to spread around now that i'm sober but that is not why i got sober.


How i see it is. I'm sick enough to choose the drink over my wife. I kinda had to be sick enough to choose sobriety over her as well. The benefit of the later however was able to bear good fruit and is beneficial to us both. But if I selfishly choose to drink however it doesnt doo either of us any good really.

For what its worth there is a section in the big book on relationships and such and how others handle the alcoholic that is now sober. its beneficial for all to read if anything you both might realize that your going through some pretty typical and normal things when it comes to this sorta stuff.
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Old 04-13-2015, 11:33 AM
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If you find yourself trying to quit and you can't, or if you have a desire to quit and you continue to hit the bottle, you've got a problem with alcohol.

I think worrying about the term "alcoholic" is kind of counterproductive. Just focus on your alcohol consumption. Do you want to drink less? Do you want to quit altogether? Is alcohol having a negative effect on your life?

If you answer yes, then now is the time to do something about it. Don't let it get worse, because I guarantee you that's exactly what will happen if you ignore it and pretend everything is okay. I thought I was invincible after not drinking for nearly half a year, and then one day I just fell back into my old habits.

I think you know there is a problem if you're posting here. Good luck on getting it fixed.
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Old 04-13-2015, 12:38 PM
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Welcome Wantbetterdays
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Old 04-13-2015, 06:00 PM
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alcohol is the solution to Alcoholism.

without alcohol, life seems horrendous. I needed a new solution.

I found it while working the 12 steps of AA.

Can you live without drinking? If you stay stopped, does life get better or worse? Mine got worse, which is why I worked those 12 steps. Those 12 steps saved my life.
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Old 04-13-2015, 06:29 PM
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Glad to have you with us wantbetterdays. I hope it helps to talk things over here, with people who understand.
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Old 04-13-2015, 06:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
Glad to have you with us wantbetterdays. I hope it helps to talk things over here, with people who understand.
It's helping very much. I'm feeling like I'm at the tip of the iceberg, bigger than I thought. I'm also confident there is a better life. I know there is...there was...it's been an unproductive day for my employer, but a very productive day for me
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Old 04-13-2015, 07:06 PM
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WBD,
welcome.
can you drink like a normal person, you ask.
well...can you? have a drink or two with no thought of any more? no wanting any more? leaving the second glass half full and forgetting where you put it down?

can you think of yourself "normal drinking" without comparing yourself to others? others who drink more and thinking therefore you are/might be a "normal" drinker?

admitting you're an alcoholic doesn't mean you have to stop drinking. some use it as an excuse to keep drinking.
for me, knowing (knowing, not admitting) i'm a drunk was the ticket to freedom from drinking. a freedom i'd wanted desperately for a very long time.
the forever thing, too, was crucial to me. yep; it's a long time. for me, thinking in terms of "just for today" immediately had the implied possibility of drinking tomorrow. the daily reality is a daily not-drinking, which is how ongoing sobriety happens, of course.

what happens when you try to drink "like a normal person"?
how long can you "succeed", if at all?
what have been your experiences with that? hm...probably not very successful, or you would likely not have looked for websites such as this one...

your own experience is what matters.
in my own case, though, my own experience was quite clear, but my interpretation of the experience was quite screwy for quite a long time. so there's THAT to consider, too.

maybe the suggestion of trying to have one drink a day and no more for six months and seeing how that goes and if that's doable for you without being torturous might give you more clarity. how do you feel at that very suggestion?

good to see you here, exploring where you're at.
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Old 04-14-2015, 04:58 AM
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Hi.


"I know if I don't change something I will ruin my marriage."


If you are an alcoholic and continue drinking there will be many more losses because at a certain point alcohol just takes and takes, eventually our lives in a horrible fashion.
Many of us felt we were unique and were never able to sober up, or deep down never wanted to. There are many BS reasons to continue to drink.

Not drinking is another story which includes a return to sane thinking and a feeling of being comfortable in our own skin. This does not happen quickly and requires work and changes with a reward of being proud of our accomplishments. Many have accomplished this, so can you.

BE WELL
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