We all have done things that we are ashamed of. We are not bad people but we do things under the influence that we would never do sober.
The problem is alcoholism is progressive it only gets worse. The more we drink the more things we do that cause us guilt and shame so we drink more to get rid of the guilt and shame.
I call this the death spiral and it only gets worse.
The only way to stop it is to stop drinking. We can choose a great life anytime we want it but this life has to be alcohol free.