DG- I don't know you or your X, but read more posts from the A forum. I asked once if A's love. They say that they did love. They loved what you did for them. But they couldn't truly love anything when they were addicted.
I was with my A since I was 15 years old. I am 50 now. I know that my A loved me and still does. But he is an addict and has not or may never come to terms of that. But I did have the true sense of love and I am blessed that I know what that was. Many people will never have that. I agree they love the booze and drugs, but don't believe that it was only for sex.
Don't sell yourself short. They are addicts, and were good people not that long ago. They struggle and we struggle. I know that you really need to hate them to accomplish detachment and move forward. I have done that, I am in the stage now that I have survived on my own and doing ok. I will take nothing less from him but growing up, sobering up and working a program. Thats it nothing more. Plus no less then 1 year of sobriety before I would think of rekindling a relationship.
I am in the long haul of taking care of me. I need to get to know me as I grew up with him and don't even know who I am. We all have changes to grow and become better people. That is what life is about!!