yeah the ole your somehow defective because of your disorder and now she wants you to be her project? I guess it can be good but if she fixes you then what will she do? will that be all there is for her?
I think you need to fix you. She needs to be supportive. I hate to say it but sometimes women feel as if they made there man and thats not always the case or perhaps they helped there man but let themselves fall by the wayside then they find themselves unhappy.
When it comes to sobering up the one who sobers up does the heavy lifting it seems.
I think i know where your coming from about being on the defensive. IN my face my wife thank god took a step back and remained supportive despite my inner/outer hell that was going on. I didnt want to disappoint her so I kept on the straight and narrow but mainly i was fixing myself first.
I've said it a 100 times getting sober was the most selfish thing i ever did. I did it for me first it was my first priority. however it manifested itself to others is a great nice bi product of /ME/ staying sober for ME. Yeah obviously there is many positive aspects to spread around now that i'm sober but that is not why i got sober.
How i see it is. I'm sick enough to choose the drink over my wife. I kinda had to be sick enough to choose sobriety over her as well. The benefit of the later however was able to bear good fruit and is beneficial to us both. But if I selfishly choose to drink however it doesnt doo either of us any good really.
For what its worth there is a section in the big book on relationships and such and how others handle the alcoholic that is now sober. its beneficial for all to read if anything you both might realize that your going through some pretty typical and normal things when it comes to this sorta stuff.