Just wanted to say that I'm currently on Day 3 (and have had several day 3s) and I feel the same way. The sober and miserable gets tough. Drinking for me was always for the escape of the bs in life and the way I was feeling.
These past few days, having a sightly clearer head on my body, has given me an opportunity to try and hone in on the good things that are in my life and not the bad. After drinking on and off for a little over 11 years, I realize the fun times, relief, escape and all that didn't beat out the bad times, the hurt feelings, lost trust, fines, arrests, destroyed relationships.
But what I know I can't do is change the past and sometimes its hard to think about that. I'm trying my best to see the future as one that can be better each day I decide not to drink. I'm glad today is day 3 for me not drinking as opposed to being just another day drunk full of guilty and disappointment.
Didn't mean to ramble, I just sincerely identify share the same feeling about my past 4 years of back and forth drinking, sober, drinking, sober game (its just how I was). When things are good my urge was lower, but as soon as a string of messes hit I put a drink on the top. I know I can't live like that anymore.
Prayers to you.