A very emotional week
My emotions are all over the place and I'm just posting to get it all out and gain some perspective. Thanks for reading.
Last Saturday was really good. XAH came over and we dyed eggs and just had a fun, silly night with our son. XAH and I hid the plastic eggs and basket around the house and agreed that we'd have our son wait to hunt (or at least collect) until 1pm the next day when XAH and his parents were going to come over. He left for the night and things were good.
The next morning I get a text saying he doesn't feel like dealing with my family and pretending he's happy. He says he won't be over but his parents will be. By "my family" he means my Mom because other than our son she's the only other person that was invited for Easter. He spent two other holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) with her after I filed for divorce and everything was out in the open with no issues. She's an alcoholic as well - sober 20+ years and has been particularly understanding and kind through everything. They always get along well. Anyway, I called him back and he was still drunk (at 9:15am) from the night before, got nasty, so I ended the call.
His parents arrive at 1pm feeling awkward since XAH lives with them but we end up having a lovely time. My son hunts for eggs and with 2 grandmas and 1 grandpa there to watch he has a blast! I made an awesome dinner and it was just a great afternoon. My in-laws were very sweet and thankful. As my father-in-law was leaving he hugged me very hard and said "thank you - this means more than you'll ever know."
XAH texts at 6:00pm after everyone is gone asking if he can please stop over and see our son for a few minutes. I say okay. He arrives reeking of alcohol. Once I can see he's not still drunk I head outside to water my new plants and basically avoid him. He comes out apologizing but I really don't engage. He leaves.
Similar thing happens Monday evening. He spends an hour with our son, is apologetic to me, but we have very limited interaction.
Tuesday morning at 4:30am I get a call from him. He says his father went into cardiac arrest. He did CPR for 20 minutes until the paramedics came. (FIL has been in and out of the hospital for a year now.) XAH says he's too drunk to drive and he and his Mom need a ride to the hospital. I wake my son, get in the car and pick them up. FIL has a pulse. MIL stays at hospital. I drive drunk XAH back to their apartment to sober up on the condition that he won't drive until Noon. He promises. I'm stupid. My son goes to school, I go to work. I get a text at 8am - XAH is back at the hospital. Things don't look good. I call him but he doesn't pick up. I text and get a reply 30 minutes later he and his Mom are back at the apartment. I leave work at Noon, bring XAH and MIL lunch and then drive them back to the hospital. On the recommendation of 3 different doctors MIL signs the papers to allow machines to be disconnected. FIL passes quickly.
MIL asks for help. I spend the next two days helping her make all the arrangements. Funeral was yesterday. Post funeral spread hosted at my house.
The old me would have felt like the savior running around helping and old me would have thought now my XAH, who's been thanking me and telling me he loves me all week, will be at his bottom and will stop drinking and we'll live happily ever after.
The new me just feels sad. Sad that, although they've flown many, many times, at 33 and 42 years old my BIL and SIL have never made flight reservations themselves nor did they have the money to do so (I made arrangements, MIL paid.) Sad that MIL doesn't have anyone that can really step up and help her with the decisions she needs to make. Sad that through it all XAH continues to drink. Sad that XAH missed out on a wonderful Easter - a memory my son and I will always cherish. And sad that after everything my son has had to deal with lately now he's lost his grandpa.