DD..if you think about sobriety as a learned behavior and look at it in the context of other endeavors you have undertaken in you life it makes sense to put yourself in the company of people who have gotten where you want to be.
If someone is learning a sport, like tennis, they will likely improve much more quickly if they are challenged by playing against other players who have been playing longer. Your job is to find the player that you want to play like…we have Borgs, and McEnroes and Djokovics and Federers and Nadals here. Many styles, many personalities, that is the beauty of SR.
It can help to hit the ball with others who are playing at your level (monthly class?), it also helps to work with others who are struggling with something you have learned. But, if you only hit with people who are playing at the same level you are playing you aren't giving yourself the broadest shot at moving to a different level.
Not a single member of SR arrived here because we had our stuff together, remember that. And sobriety is never a done deal..it is a lifelong commitment and a series of decisions we all make constantly.I know this is the one place I can share my feelings and inadequacies and find support.
I went to rehab for a month two summers ago. I had called an addiction counselor and in our first appointment I told her I was willing to do anything to get sober and I meant it. I turned my life upside down by going away, I avoided certain social events for the first year, I became unapologetic that my sobriety came first.
You can't add sobriety as a side dish to you life, it has to be the main course. I know relapse is way more exhausting than a commitment to sobriety. I hear the pain and frustration and I wish I could impress upon you how much harder where you are at is than really deciding that drinking is no longer an option for you.
For me getting sober was so drastic because of going away I couldn't ever fool myself again that it was an option. It really is easier to strip your life down to the bare essentials that support your sobriety than to keep trying to live the same life and end up beating your head against the wall. I am not AA but I believe in the saying "half measures avail us nothing".
For me, I believe that sobriety is a life or death decision, it needs to be taken seriously every day. It sounds like you are handing alcohol to much power. It is not that I can't drink, it is that I don't drink, it is the most pragmatic decision I have ever made.
I gave up protecting my drinking, and trust me, I was drinking on the plane en route to rehab. I couldn't understand how some people were "dumb" enough not to drink until they crossed the threshold, that is how reluctant I was to part with my glass. You can do this!