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OK !!!...Can we come clean ???

Old 04-06-2015, 09:53 PM
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OK !!!...Can we come clean ???

I'am still drinking. I want to quit it so bad I cant STAND it...but it ain't easy !!!

I KNOW there are others out there that are just like me.

Can we start a "Sub-Forum"...a thread or SOMETHING that offers hope and reassurance to those of us that have not put down the drink...yet... but want to SO BAD !!! ???

A group...a thread...a sub-forum for those of us that are trying...and wanting it so bad....but just cant seem to do it... yet.

Somewhere that is not condeming of us...that we can speak freely of our struggle's to put an end to the madness without hearing the typical..."Just dont pickup" BS !

I need to talk about it. I just feel second rate to those that have beatin' the deamon. I mean no disrespect to anyone who has....I just have not "made it" that far and fear that I never will. That scares me.

This websight seems to be the best thing I have to work on my sobriety...BUT my sobriety has not happened ...yet.

Why is that ? I dont know. Something is missing. I Know !!!..."What is your plan" ??? I dont know !!!...I dont have a clue !! I dont seek condemnation. I seek support...from people who are still in the same boat as me. Having YEARS of sobriety under your belt is not really helping me. You long timers have experienced the "Miracle". The craves are over with...you never give it a second thought...drinking is the LAST thing on your mind !

Not for me...or..."Us" !

We're still in the trenches!!!...and it's damn hard !

Respectfully,
DD
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Old 04-06-2015, 10:10 PM
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I'm gonna lay it out in similar straightforwardness

I feel very strongly about this. There's no need for a sub forum, or even a separate thread, Dave.

SR is for people struggling - there's tons of support here - and the good thing is it comes from everywhere - from old timers, veterans and from other people struggling.

There is no condemnation or looking down on people Dave - that's just not true. I ask you about plans and about what you could do different because you wouldnt be here if you were happy with the way things are.

I want you and everyone else here to get where I am - and that took work and commitment and change.

If you're feeling self conscious about not kicking the drink yet, I can dig that - but I'd argue thats a good thing - the worst thing you could do is get comfortable with the status quo, man.

SR is all about getting you to where you want to be.

You, me everyone here joined up because we wanted change - don't let that AV convince you otherwise.
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Old 04-06-2015, 10:20 PM
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What Dee said.

I find inspiration here from all kinds of people who are at different places in alcoholism and recovery. But I do have another idea for you, Dave. If you get involved in rehab or IOP, you'll spend most of your time with people who are struggling just as you are.
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Old 04-06-2015, 10:37 PM
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Can it be just...me reminding ya'll where you came from ?

i'am looking for answers...

..the answer.

I have yet to find it.

Maybe just a "Rant"...for that I apologize.

I just dont know what to do.

DD
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Old 04-06-2015, 10:44 PM
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It's not called newcomers to recovery for nothing.

I've been in and out of this forum since august last year. Sober and otherwise.

I'm currently not drinking and have no plans to do so but I've no doubt I'd be at the bottom of some bottle or other if it weren't for reading about other people's struggles. And I definitely WOULD still be drinking if it weren't for the hope and support that sr gives.

I read somewhere here that if you wait until you're ready, you never will be. I couldn't agree more.
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Old 04-06-2015, 10:47 PM
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Dave,

I don't think anyone wants to talk down to you, it's just that your attitude may be part of the problem. Nobody is going to hand you "the answer". You are going to have to take the initiative in doing this. There are various tools available to you like inpatient, counseling, AA, AVRT, SR and so on. But at some point you need to make up your mind and get on with it, whatever method you choose. But waiting for the "answer" is basically admitting defeat without even trying.
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Old 04-06-2015, 11:02 PM
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I've never forgotten where I came from Dave..just as I've never forgotten what it took to get me to where I am now

You already know the answer Dave - as frustratingly simple as it is, the answer is to stop drinking. There'll be other stuff to do to ensure you're happy in a sober life, but not drinking is the fundamental step.

You put a hell of a lot of obstacles in your own way - I did too - but that doesn't mean the advice here isn't good

You just have to decide to take it, Dave.

D
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Old 04-06-2015, 11:06 PM
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Originally Posted by DuhDave View Post
You long timers have experienced the "Miracle". The craves are over with...you never give it a second thought...drinking is the LAST thing on your mind
I am truly sorry you are struggling.

I will have 3 years July 21 and I don't know if that is really considered a long timer.

First of all I still do have cravings and to say that I don't miss it never think about it, well I would be lying. Difference now is that the cravings are farther apart inbetween and I have found different ways of coping.

I also don't have to have a bad day in order to want to drink. I've even had and have days where I want to throw up my hands and say to myself "what am I really doing this for".

There really is no easy way to do this and being an alcoholic I know is never going to go away for me. I truly get thru this one day at a time.

I too struggled when I first quit drinking, wanting to quit so bad and just couldn't or didn't know how and deep down probably didn't want to. Maybe I wasn't quit there yet. I don't know. I didn't find this site until I was 5 months sober, but I can assure you if I found it when I first started out, I would have had lots of those "ummm yup day 1 again, yup I drank again..... etc. etc."

Your journey is going to be different from someone else. I truly believe that people do and and find a way that works for them. You are going to get various opinions when you post here and some you are not going to like. Sometimes you need to shelf them and bring them out later. Sometimes they make sense later on.

I truly believe that you can do this and that you will .
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Old 04-07-2015, 12:05 AM
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I'm definitely not a saint, so there were no miracles here... It's not a cliche, I just started with Day 1. It sucked. I live in a city and have a liquor store 2 blocks away and I can't tell you how many times I wanted to go there. I paced the hall, I read here about urge surfing, I listened to classical music, I cried...and then I went to bed sober and started the next day.

You're right, though, that it does become a lot easier - otherwise, only the most masochistic would be here. But that doesn't mean we've forgotten the early days, and that's a good thing. If sobriety meant flipping a switch it would be a lot easier to relapse. Just pop a cold one and wait for the next epiphany. Those early scars help to remind us that we never want to go back to that.

Please just keep this in mind during your darkest times: the road gets easier the farther you travel.
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Old 04-07-2015, 02:26 AM
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Hey Dave. I have been sober 1 year, 1 month and 2 days. But before that, there was at least twice that length of time when I wanted to get sober but I just couldn't manage it. I even had a few solid months sober and then started up again.

I don't see that you're any different from the sober people on here. You're just at a different stage of your journey.
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Old 04-07-2015, 02:49 AM
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I don't know, but how are you going to get proper advice and motivation if you only surround yourself with people who want to quit, and not with people who've been there, done that, and understand exactly what you're going through? Personally, I like hearing all their stories of how they quit, and how great they feel these days. Gives me hope for myself.
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:04 AM
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Originally Posted by DuhDave View Post
Can it be just...me reminding ya'll where you came from ?
i'am looking for answers...
..the answer.
I have yet to find it.
Dave, I remember what it was like. Exhausted, sweat soaked, and in despair. I simply gave up trying to pretend I could solve this, and accepted all the suggestions that were offered. I went to rehab and did what they said, much of it reluctantly, but I did it nonetheless. Six weeks later, I came home and realized not much had changed - booze was still out there, and I was still in here. I went to meetings daily, worked with a therapist and a sponsor - my sobriety became the most important thing in my life.

The funny thing is - so long as I kept looking for a solution "out there" I never had to examine the possibility that the problem was my thinking, me... in here.

You are not different, you are not unique, you just haven't gotten there yet. You can do this.
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by DuhDave View Post
without hearing the typical..."Just dont pickup" BS !

I need to talk about it.
My AV thinks " Just don't pick up" is BS. My AV also wants to talk about why I can't be sober.

My AV is a liar and a thief. My AV has a lot of company on these forums.
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:33 AM
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I remember where I came from. I remember the gloom,dispair, and misery. I remember the desperation. And one thing I really remember?
I just want to vent. I just want to talk about my problem,or problems.
Just a Few things that got me to the point of desperation.
That's when I had to do more that that " just talk about it." I had to stop looking for pity parties or sympathy. I had to be around people that had been in my shoes and didn't have a problem using a crowbar on me to work at popping my head outta my arse. They had been in my shoes and weren't Gona waste their time on someone that wanted to wallow in self pity and not get into action.
Of course, I could have went around people that were still drunk and see if they could help me get sober. See if they could help me solve my problems.
But I remembered how well that didn't work.

"Why is that ? I dont know. Something is missing. I Know !!!..."What is your plan" ??? I dont know !!!...I dont have a clue !! I dont seek condemnation. I seek support...from people who are still in the same boat as me. "

Can you explain how someone who is still drinking can help someone get sober?
has that worked for ya so far?


"Having YEARS of sobriety under your belt is not really helping me. You long timers have experienced the "Miracle". The craves are over with...you never give it a second thought...drinking is the LAST thing on your mind !"

Exactly! so why not take the suggestions from the long timers and run With them?
It's not helping you maybe because yo aren't doing what is suggested? Not putting in the footwork? Maybe expecting us to come and carry you?

I hope ya change your mind and start taking suggestions and get into action.

Sittin in the garage all day won't make me a car.
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:56 AM
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Tomsteve - you always get straight to the point do'n'cha! Lol.

Just being a bit cheeky and taking this opportunity to say my own thank-you for that on this thread while it occurs to me. There's been a number of times that your straight talking has really helped me cope with my new sober existence (once I've stopped huffing and puffing that you're an old meanie and have followed your advice).

Duhdave - I agree that a thread like you suggest could easily become a dangerous meeting of AVs - AV's are going to help you even less than other people's sobriety will. When you say people's 'sobriety' isn't helping you, what do you mean by 'help'? What is it you hope to get from folk on here? Practical advice; moral support; empathy; sympathy?
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Old 04-07-2015, 04:12 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
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Man Ive "quit" a few times... Ive let my alcohol brain drag me back.. i know what's back there now for me and so when it "lies" to me know I simply call it out...

Im going on 3 weeks now which is the longest I have been sober in years...

Detox sucks but the alternative sucks more... sick of wondering if I embarrassed or hurt the ones I love or myself in the mornings.

Sick of being sick.
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Old 04-07-2015, 05:51 AM
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Don't pick up!

May I offer a suggestion? Thanks.

Okay. First thing is to ask yourself, "Why am I here?" Then break it down further.

Why am I here? Because I want to stop drinking. Why do I want to stop drinking? Because I do dumb things, I neglect myself, I hurt people, I hurt myself, I can't remember what I did, my health is deteriorating, I am in legal trouble, my wife is fed up with my drinking, my dog gets pissed at me when I'm drunk, the neighbors keep their children inside when I am outside drunk, I lost my job, I am neglecting taking care of my personal appearance, my yard is the only one in the neighborhood that doesn't have grass growing, I vomit when I drink, I can't function for a few days after I pour a half gallon of vodka down my throat, my family 'hates' me, I'm a loser (real or unreal) ETC.

First thing is to discover why and accept that these reasons will not change until you become sober.

That a good place to start.
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Old 04-07-2015, 06:13 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
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Dave, I daresay it's you who needs to change your outlook.

Like many others, I have never lost sight of where I was at the end of my drinking days, never.

I have never condemned you, nor do I believe anyone else here has condemned you.
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Old 04-07-2015, 06:15 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
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Why not today, before any real damage is done?
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Old 04-07-2015, 06:16 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
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For a number of years I entertained the idea of being sober, but I wasn't ready or willing to get sober yet. I still wanted to be able to have what I thought was fun by drinking nor did I want to change. I felt I absolutely had to change this year since my drinking had been going on far too long than I was comfortable with. Taking that first step can be the hardest, but you can do it. It takes a lot of effort, but it is worth it. Finding this community helped me take that first step. Take advantage of what this community has to offer.
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