Dave,
I don't think anyone wants to talk down to you, it's just that your attitude may be part of the problem. Nobody is going to hand you "the answer". You are going to have to take the initiative in doing this. There are various tools available to you like inpatient, counseling, AA, AVRT, SR and so on. But at some point you need to make up your mind and get on with it, whatever method you choose. But waiting for the "answer" is basically admitting defeat without even trying.