Originally Posted by
amberly 
I wonder if it possible to be in an abusive relationship and not realize that's what it is.
It is ABSOLUTELY possible. Here's a book I would highly recommend checking out:
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. The link is just to a preview, but it's available on Amazon and elsewhere. Very, very enlightening. Every woman living in a possibly abusive relationship should read it.