Cherra, I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. Life can look pretty grim some times. I myself have been touch and go with depression and a really bleak outlook for months now. There have been days, weeks, and months when it seems like it's just NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER. These are times when I beat myself up about all the things I still haven't changed about myself, and when I look at all the ways life just doesn't ever seem to line up.
But you know... this week has been better. I have taken some steps toward making small improvements, because... well, what have I got to lose? And just doing those small things have felt good, and when I start hearing that voice in my head that says that nothing is ever good enough I tell it to shut the heck up. And, the sun has been out - that always helps.
When I eat even when I'm not really hungry, I know I'm trying to fill a hole that isn't physical nourishment. This has been on my mind lately because increased appetite is a side effect of a new med I'm taking so it's seriously messing with my self-control!
Hopefully you know of ways to self-sooth that make you feel good about yourself and don't add to your stress.
I think it's ok to give yourself permission to be really gentle with yourself, especially if you're going through a really big transition or stressful time.
When things were really piling up on me emotionally I listened to a guided meditation on youtube and it really helped me relax and gain perspective. Search youtube for 'IN TRANSITION- ENDING and NEW BEGINNINGS- Guided Meditation with Lilian Eden'