Biggest hug in the world dear one!!! I know your feeling all too well. I don't know how old you are, but baby there is more life out there and you are never too old to grab hold of it and ride like a rodeo star! Right now it just seems all too much at once. My xabf's family cut me off without a word just around holiday time and I was so hurt. Addicts usually come from very sick families. We are the enemy because we didn't keep up the facade for them. The Kool aid we drank wore off. We are witnesses to the truth and just like mob families, they don't like witnesses. I know it's hard, but try and make a gratitude list. Find maybe 10 things that you are thankful for. Kids and grandkids are a pretty great thing!