depression setting in
I'm having such a pity party tonight. I can't stop crying and this is not like me at all. I look at my life and I'm so depressed. I feel so alone. I really don't have any close friends. My life has revolved around my family and now half of my family is gone. I mean, I was a part of that family for 37 years and now they act like I'm the enemy. It just hurts so bad. I wish I could get angry about it.
Every single month something comes up that eats up any extra money I think I may have. Today it was tires for the van. It's a wonder I haven't had a blow out but I wasn't ready this month. I need a second job but I'm just so tired. The job I have is very physical. I teach special needs kids and I think I may be getting too old for this. I know I'm too out of shape for it and I can't quit overeating. I've gained weight.
I think of the future and it seems so bleak. It's not that I want to go back, I just still want was I thought I was going to have. I DON'T EVER want to be in a relationship again. I haven't seen many happy relationships and I sure don't want to start over at my age. But that leaves me alone. Sure, I have my kids and grands but I know that I will eventually get to the point where it will be up to them to make the effort and right now I'm the one making the effort. I want my Momma but then again, I'm so glad she's not here in the middle of this nightmare.
Alcohol is what caused this nightmare so is it crazy that I want a glass of wine to go with my whine?