Endgame - some of what you say is kind of what my brain is saying....if its gonna happen let it and then at least its kinda on my terms....not what I want but the **** my brain is whispering at me. Also if im always gonna be a mess maybe the greatest kindness is to let the get away. Like the only good deed ive got left. Like I said not what I want but just dont feel this addiction is escapable. Ive thought I wax really ready in the past and really wanted it and still fell flat on my face.....to think I had over 2 years once. What I did then just doesnt work now.