Originally Posted by
MarathonMan 
The finality of this atempt scares me.
So much so that you'd prefer to make it happen, feeling like you have control over it by making it so, rather than make a commitment to abort your self-destructive behaviors? Is there even a small part of you that believes that losing everything will then make you feel "ready" to get sober?
Stop it. Do something now, no matter how trivial it may seem, to get started on getting sober. Your heart will only
"be in it" after you take action.