All Beast Urge Vs disappointment effect
Hi all,
Would like to share that today, i went through a transformation, writing this helps me also to deepen this occasion in my memory, because I believe it’s a the beginning of a change happening from within. I felt exactly in the Peter scenario described by Trimpey in page 157-158. If someone also went thought this situation, please share. While I was more or less awake, I suddenly knew i would be alone for several hours. When I realized it, I falled asleep again, but beast injected dreams of how good and excited it would be to have that special and intimate feeling again soon. I woke up again, but this time I was really alone. Beast started to flood my mind with pictures and feelings, touching feelings. Of course, I used AVRT, and recognized every feeling that suggested me to get advantage of that unique moment, that the BIG PLAN could be one minute away, after enjoying the fix. Just do it i heard the beast, and you can recompose yourself after, and do the big plan n avrt thing again. In that moment, it started to convince me and my heart started to beat rapidly. A always, when i didnt recognize the beast, i also went in to autopilot, beast capturing my thoughts, ALL BEAST mode. So i rised from the bed and without considering, I picked up all the “fantasy stuff” needed to have that yummy orgasm. Then, something really great happened, I hesitated and stopped, as someone was telling me that it is useless and very wrong what I would do, but all this while still physically aroused. Then I decided to sit and give up on continuing running to consummate the fix. While I sat down, I felt a huge disappointment inside, like the disappointment I always had “after engage in addiction” , but this time the disappointment happened before I fall into addiction, the arousing suddenly quiet down, the urge calmed and I felt very calm and relieved, knowing I would not engage in destruction again.
So after this, I can only reaffirm my eternal Plan: I will never, ever have an orgasm outside of marriage again, and…
I will never change my mind.