Originally Posted by
TennantSmith 
Biminblue, I agree 100% because that is how I used to drink. And that's why I know I have to take control of it now because I don't want to return to that place.
I've lost so much because of my drinking. More than I ever realized. Relationships, contentment, peace, trust, material items, jobs. I'm just now fully coming to terms with what drinking has done to my life. So, I should probably stop wondering "If" I have a problem and accept that I "Do" have a problem.
Gonna go back a bit and comment about getting through the thought of a drink.
When I was drinking I dont think there was one time I listened to that thought. Knowing possible consequences- knowing that once I had one there was no end until I got drunk, blacked out, usually did and said insane things, then passed out- didn't help. I just could not not drink that first one.
Eventually I crossed a line and didn't give a crap. No fighting to not drink the first one. I no longer cared and just wanted to get drunk, which lasted quite a few years a d progressively got worse( not necessarily the quantity got worse. I didn't care how much it took and I was rather a lightweight,which I got lighter weight as the disease of alcoholism progressed).
Then after I got sober I had days that I had to fight tooth,nail, and claw to not go run for a drink. I spent a LOT of time praying. The obsession was quite strong and I had times I got very angry that I couldn't get rid of the thought of drinking.
One of the things that kept me fighting- the path of destruction I left in my wake. The destroyed relationship, jobs I either got fired from or gave to someone more responsible ( I never lost a job. They were still there after I left or got fired),friends that didn't want me around any more, family that didn't really want me around as they had no clue what antics would happen.....and the main thing was how I felt about myself- I felt I was a useless,worthless POS.
I admitted alcohol was the common denominator in all that and it wasn't going to help anymore, so I fought for my life. There were some very difficult days and sme days difficult minutes, but I kept fighting.
Through it I was working on myself. I was facing me and finding out what makes me tick and facing the wreckage and doing what I could to sweep off my side of the street. and as promised in the program I worked( ad live today) I ceased fighting alcohol. The problem with alcohol was removed. No more fighting,
Staying sober has been easy and worth every second I had to fight.
And it all started with admitting I had a problem with alcohol
and was willing to do whatever I had to do to get and stay sober.