Double posting... intoxicated too... Yet...
It is difficult for me in this situtation to tell what really is true about all this. Everything seems very introspective, also painful, but when I'm sober I usually have the kind of patching on this stuff that I'm apparently dealing with. I just say: "hey it's really not that bad".. but now again that I'm drunk I feel like it really is. Like I've been untruthful somewhere. It is very complex and difficult to explain but it works like a fluctuation of emotions and self-image.
I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be in my life. Big time. Everyone is different and I know what I desire and need, yet it has been so obstructive to get there, when I took it for granted before. Nothing is even near what I imagined my life to be years ago... 9 long years I've had the same problem. 9 F******* YEARS!
Please don't tell me there is no cure or solution to this after all this trial, suffering and work. I never was a negative person, at least I don't think so. This is so ********.
Vent.