part of my recovery
I've had virtually nothing to report as far as AH goes. That is a good thing, right!?
My therapist congratulated me on having one entire session without talking about him. Ha! Progress not perfection!
But last week I received five large boxes of my dads stuff in the mail. He passed away in 2005.. And grandpa went to a retirement home, so he cleared the old house of dads stuff. Dad was schizophrenic (very severely), alcoholic, and homeless for most of his years after my sister and I were taken away by mom, but I miss him dearly.
I found old tapes that he recorded in the mall. Him singing Willie Nelson, always on my mind.... That made me cry. No matter how messed up dad was, he always sent us letters telling us how much he loved and missed us.
It made me so MAD at my mother again. I hate that she never said a single nice thing, I hate how he loved us so much (even with the mental illness) and treated us so kindly and lovingly... And mom.... Well she still just destroys everything and everyone she touches.
I keep wondering, when will I ever be able to move on from mom? I told my T that I only feel like I will get closure when she is dead and no longer hurting people...i know that sounds harsh... But I just keep coming back to mom.