Feeling lost
Hi all,
I'm feeling so lost. I met who I thought was the love of my life during the summer of last year. We fell for eachother in a big way. She has a 5 yr old son who is just a treasure. A month into our relationship it was clear she was drinking too much. Two bottles of wine a day. She was drink driving, sometimes with her boy in the car. She admitted to leaving him home alone in bed to get more drink. I could have walked away but I could see she was heading for either an early grave or prison. During autumn and winter she battled hard. We moved in together, in a gorgeous house in the country. Yes I know, move in? Am I mad? Probably ! She was diagnosed with MS some years ago which seemed to be a big stressor along with other life events. Her parents came to stay to help keep her dry and her boy safe while I was at work, but she would be a secret drinker or go off on a binge leaving us to pick up the pieces. So damn selfish and self centred. Roll onto now and she's completing her 5th week of 6 at rehab. She's looking and sounding great. Seems to have really embraced the 12 steps and received counselling for the underlying issues. Here's the thing, she now says she doesn't know if she wants to be with me or not. She's unsure whether she only fell in love with the white knight that help save her and not me. She has changed, she's grown up at last. I was sick of being a baby sitter but for her to say these things after all she has put us through is so unfair. I love her (warts and all). She says we need to get to know eachother again which I whole heartedly agree with and I'm committed to making this work while not being co-dependant on eachother. I've attended two al-anon meetings so far. So it all might be early days and everything will be great but it feels like she's in splendid isolation with little idea of the real world after rehab. I've booked two weeks off work for when she comes home to be supportive. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I love her. She has to keep alcoholism at bay herself but pushing away someone who will not lead her into temptation can't be a good move. I'm in for the long haul if she wants it. You can't change free will but we've got tok much going for us to chuck it away. She knows how I feel. Anybody had similar experiences? Thank you !