You tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't drink after each new incident, and then you do. This is a pattern that should no longer be such a surprise to you.
Taking your alcoholism seriously means doing whatever work is necessary to get and then stay sober.
Appropriating the misguided idea that you have to lose everything in order to get sober is just another excuse to continue drinking.
If being close to losing your wife, your job, and possibly your life, and then spending time in a police station for assaulting your wife isn't enough for you to stop, then you need to take serious steps in order to get sober. But only if you truly want to.
Focusing on what you can't or won't do, or on how much pain you're in while detoxing, doesn't cut it.