Notices

Back at it again!

Old 03-20-2015, 07:54 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 61
Back at it again!

Hi everyone. Well Im back to good old self. This is the worst I have felt in a while. 3 days of not remembering things. Horrible shakes today all day. I cant really go into rehab or anything. Nothing is free here, insurance wont cover alcohol problems and detox. No money left so here I am. Medicating myself as to what doctor used last time. So far had 3 librax pills which are mostly for stomach issues but have a bit of benzos in them. Made it slightly bearable. Sure it will be a hell of a night today. Thinking what might help xanax or lorazepam for sleep. Last time I was 3 days of high dose of lorazepam when stopped went through living hell.

Im just a step away from loosing everything, my job, my family and probably life. I seems to lack self control or determination. Once I start feeling better I forget my commitments and get back to thinking I can manage it. Everyone has lost trust in me. I become selfish and at times violent person. I feel so bad, last time we had argument with my wife she was angry at me for some simple reason. She threw something at me, I took a bag and threw at her it hit her in the head, inside was a clock. So she is walking around with swollen eye. Neighbours called police, spent a few hours in the station. Agreed to talk it over for now, next time wont be so lucky. I'm in despair. everything just spirals out of control. 2 months ago I had a pretty bad case of Rhabdomyolosis from exercising, cant believe I started drinking again, specially when my legs still feel weak.

Someone once told me alcoholic needs to loose everything before they can succeed. But I feel like that is way too much. If I loose everything I will loose my life too.

I'm scared and shaky. Each time symptoms get worse. I never had DT's but hope I wont.
sup3r1or is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 08:43 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Wow, you definitely have good reasons to take your drinking seriously!! I disagree with whoever told you that you have to lose everything before you can succeed at quitting drinking. Some do, but that's not always the case. For some people, just knowing that you will lose everything is enough to work on being sober. Everybody's different. Sounds like you have a chance (possibly your last chance) to turn things around. I hope you find a way to do it. You might want to consider a recovery program along with this site to get the support you will definitely need. Good Luck. John
2muchpain is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 09:12 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome bk
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 11:24 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Sorry for your difficulties. There is hope once the plug is in the jug and stays there one day at a time in a row.
As is suggested a plan for not drinking is just about a requirement for sobriety and long term recovery.
I know the pain involved in continued drinking which make us compulsively drink more.
A couple options might be a detox, rehab, AA, reading and posting here along with other suggestions posted on these pages.

This alcoholism is a taker and is consistently progressive as long as we drink, it gives us misery which can be eliminated be simply not using.

BE WELL
IOAA2 is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 11:35 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
I hope you can stop drinking before you lose what is dear to you.
least is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 01:02 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Adventurer
 
sva777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
I hope you come out of this in better shape. I understand what you mean about the cost of hospitals and Dr's. A lot of people on here always say hey go to the Dr. or hey go to the hospital but its expensive even with insurance. An example is I went to the ER the last night I drank and they did a BP test and an electrocardiogram and I sat on a cot for a hour and a half, got no medication and saw a DR for about 5 min before being told to go home. My insurance was billed $5500 and I had to pay $650, tried to call and see if I could haggle a deal but they wouldn't. The situation in the US is awful.
sva777 is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 01:24 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
You do not have to lose everything. It sounds as if you may be on the cusp, but have been given another opportunity. Seize it and prove by your actions the "everyone" you mentioned can trust you again.

I wish you well.
Gonnachange is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 01:32 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
EndGame
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
You tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't drink after each new incident, and then you do. This is a pattern that should no longer be such a surprise to you.

Taking your alcoholism seriously means doing whatever work is necessary to get and then stay sober.

Appropriating the misguided idea that you have to lose everything in order to get sober is just another excuse to continue drinking.

If being close to losing your wife, your job, and possibly your life, and then spending time in a police station for assaulting your wife isn't enough for you to stop, then you need to take serious steps in order to get sober. But only if you truly want to.

Focusing on what you can't or won't do, or on how much pain you're in while detoxing, doesn't cut it.
EndGameNYC is offline  
Old 03-22-2015, 02:47 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 61
I really do. Started some work already. Will have much more free time soon.
can any of you kind people point me to other literature to read and online meetings?

There a ton of info here on this website I don't even know where to start.
sup3r1or is offline  
Old 03-22-2015, 02:52 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
The Rational Recovery stuff is all in books. If you can't get to meeting where you are that might be a good place to start.

All the various recovery groups have online meetings now too. Just google the ones you're interested in SMART, Lifering, AA or whatever

D
Dee74 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:49 PM.