Back at it again!
Hi everyone. Well Im back to good old self. This is the worst I have felt in a while. 3 days of not remembering things. Horrible shakes today all day. I cant really go into rehab or anything. Nothing is free here, insurance wont cover alcohol problems and detox. No money left so here I am. Medicating myself as to what doctor used last time. So far had 3 librax pills which are mostly for stomach issues but have a bit of benzos in them. Made it slightly bearable. Sure it will be a hell of a night today. Thinking what might help xanax or lorazepam for sleep. Last time I was 3 days of high dose of lorazepam when stopped went through living hell.
Im just a step away from loosing everything, my job, my family and probably life. I seems to lack self control or determination. Once I start feeling better I forget my commitments and get back to thinking I can manage it. Everyone has lost trust in me. I become selfish and at times violent person. I feel so bad, last time we had argument with my wife she was angry at me for some simple reason. She threw something at me, I took a bag and threw at her it hit her in the head, inside was a clock. So she is walking around with swollen eye. Neighbours called police, spent a few hours in the station. Agreed to talk it over for now, next time wont be so lucky. I'm in despair. everything just spirals out of control. 2 months ago I had a pretty bad case of Rhabdomyolosis from exercising, cant believe I started drinking again, specially when my legs still feel weak.
Someone once told me alcoholic needs to loose everything before they can succeed. But I feel like that is way too much. If I loose everything I will loose my life too.
I'm scared and shaky. Each time symptoms get worse. I never had DT's but hope I wont.