Ann, Zoso, Gardenmama, Ilovemyson, chicory and maybe THANK YOU! THANK YOU! All of you have either made statements or asked questions that require me to take a closer look at myself and figure out why I am having so much trouble with letting go. I am still processing these thoughts that are racing through my mind and trying to get honest with myself. In the past, I didn't have all the information and wisdom about addiction which I learned 100% here on SR. but now I do and part of my fear is that I can not reconcile having my son in my life knowing he is actively using. This is what scares me so much about his relapse. If he isn't going to try to get back into recovery via rehab and the sober house I don't know if I can continue our relationship. And right now I'm not sure he is done. I think he thinks he can continue using and it won't get that bad. He still has the job, money etc. the sadness of all of this is weighing heavily on me. I respect all the programs out there and have been a handful of times long ago. Maybe I need to give it a try again.