Thank you all so much! Melinda Flowers, I'm so glad you chose to reply to my post as I feel we have very much the same mindset. I think the hardest thing for me is wrapping my head around the fact that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. My mom married one then divorced him four years later. Every night, from 5 years old to 9 years old, (while my mother worked) I'd watch him drink himself to sleep. It put my younger brother and I in some dangerous situations. That is what an alcoholic looked like to me. Just because I'm high functioning and can still take care of my children and put them to bed every night doesn't make me any less of an alcoholic. It took me some time to realize that. The other night my husband and I weren't going to drink at all. As I'm cooking dinner he tells me he's having withdrawls. The look in his eyes was pure shame. But what really broke my heart was when he said "I can't believe we let it get this far."
Also, the hard part of my actually seeing that I'm an alcoholic is that I used to drink very rarely and I typically don't have an addictive personality. I could go months without even thinking about drinking and when I did I would have a couple and not care to continue. I think my alcoholism started when I was married to my son's father. He is a recovering alcoholic (he wasn't then though) and abusive. When he'd drink, he made sure I'd drink too because if I wasn't I was "judging him" and it was just easier to drink and avoid that beating. Well, here we are 6 years later and I can't think of a single day that I haven't drank since then. I'd even hide it from my significant other (before my husband) and drink at work. I was REALLY pathetic there for awhile.
One thing that I know that will help me not drink once I quit is that I have to get into therapy to try to figure out, emotionally and psychologically, why I felt it necessary to drink. Seeing what it's done to my husband is my main motivation to quit. And seeing all the things we neglect (kids, housework, pets) is also right up there. We only do the bare minimum and that is not how I was raised and my kids don't deserve any less.
Sorry about the long post. I just had a lot on my heart. Thank you again for all you members are doing here. I can't wait to have a success story of my own.